SUN Day 2

So, I mentioned that I wanted to talk about moms in one of my posts.

More so this time than last (I was here 3 years ago. literally, April 2005. My 21st birthday was spent on the 9th floor of St. Joseph's Hospital, Chicago), I've noticed family here with patients.

I bring this up, because at one point, I asked my doctor if he wouldn't mind speaking to my mom. Now, obviously, I have many reasons for this, but basically because, well, she is my mom, but also more importantly perhaps, she is a pediatric neurologist and treats a lot of migraine patient, as well. Whatever. you (you?) understand why.
But my doctor kind of 'made' me feel bad about it (one should never assume intentions but), saying, "oh it's not normally our habit to talk to the parents of adult patients." I was put off ( and of course still had him talk to her) but then I realized how silly it was. The girl next door to me had both her parents there (She's 31), the girl next to her was here with her mom. I mean, I could go on and on but you can see that it is, er, NOT, an uncommon phenomenon that the doctors speak to parents, spouses, etc.

But, I guess what I really wanted to say, was that how integral I noticed family is. and especially moms.

Last time I was here, I don't remember seeing so much 'family' around. I felt we were more 'on our own' and so because of that I bonded a lot with a couple of the other patients on the floor. (and I kind of missed them this time. ) But "this way", or rather, this time although different worked well in it's own way and I think a girl I met (I say girl, but maybe late 20s-30s) said it when she said, "I don't think I could do this without my mom (being here)."

Now, my mom obviously can't throw everything down and run to where I am (though she does try sometimes) because of her obligations, I realized, really... how true that has become. Although I have to say family stress has certainly (and will continue) to play a part in my migraines (especially the intricate mom-daughter relationship ^^;), I really could not have done the last few months without my mom. Starting about 4-5 months ago my headaches got worse and worse and worse to the point where I was not functioning well for several weeks.
The hardest thing for me is when I wake up with a headache/migraine, because NOTHING and I mean NOTHING can really pull me out of bed. Iv'e never been a morning person but I can get up when I really have to. But when I have a migraine, it's like I'm dead/comatose to the world. I have to admit (I feel pathetic kind of saying it, but it's true.) that the only way I've survived these last some months is because my mom in West Virginia has called me almost every morning to make sure I get up. Having lived and worked in another country (and gotten up each morning) as a "successful adult" when my migraines were really under control, I know that it's.... circumstantional, I guess. But lame, right? but that's the only I've been able to do it. (I'm not sure if I feel better yet getting that "off my chest" . Im hoping that feeling will kick in soon.) but yeah. without all that extra help (and that's just the most concrete example), I woud have been more of a puddle on the floor.

I took a long shower today and got back in jeans and a regular shirt. and looked ( and actually saw, not just glance) in the mirror today at myself. Kind of a transformation? I guess, hopefuly in more ways than one. ^^;; I know that I still have a long way to go to being totally healthy (esp as I need to see an orthodontist to fix these 'new' headaches that are a great deal caused by jaw issues/tmj, not to mention following up with protozoa doctor in NYC) but I still kind of feel like, new beginning in some sense.

Hopefully this month I will get most if not everything cleared up. : ) (Maybe even a new meniscus in my knee (!) ooo. ooo. Santa, I know what I want for christmas. Will you make me some new knee cartilage. aw. thank you! ) ah. heh. my brain. (Is htis normal that I seperate it from myself??) And then I can possibly see what my full potential can do. (not to be uppity or anything, but I honestly don't know and won't/can't until 'things' are cleared up, yknow?


(On a total crazy side note: wouldnt Dr. Protozoa be a craaaazy bad guy inn ike comic book world. he should the evil nemisis in the next batman movie. it's (evil voice) "Dr. Protozoa!")


As I sit on my hospital bed, with my new (awesome!) ugly doll (he's a perfect shade of EW green : ) I love him), blogging (hahahaha. I always wanted to use that verb in relation to myself. but somehow I still kind of find it pretentious), I'm wondering about 'opening' this blog up.

I really only started writing this for me... and well one or two other people to possibly read. But I realize that a lot of people (my friends included) really don't know that much about migraines or what it's like to have them. And although, it would really be a "Post Blog" as well, Im 'going home' today and don't plan on writing more, I'm thinking, maybe if I share it with mroe people it might be a way to help some other people understand more about migraines (no. they aren't just 'headaches' where you take a tylenol and it goes away. Surprisingly (maybe not surprisingly?) I have been asked/told that by quite a few people. or if it's not said outright, then at east implied with an incredulous look or whatever.
I mean. NO. I am not setting out to 'change the world' ONE. beautiful. migraine. blog. at. a. time! -_-. that get's another one just to show how sarcastic I was being. -_-; but maybe it might just promote a little more understanding. (although I don't know how much me complaining how my butt still hurts from the anti-nausea shot is going to 'enlighten' the world about migraines and/or "chronic daily headache" <-- the more correct term. because there are SO many different kinds.) The few people who are reading this so far (are you still reading inn to this ridiculously long post??) if you guys feel like giving me your opinion/thought on it, I would appreciate it.

And so. It is time to move on.

My head is weird feeling. a little buzzed, a little light headed, eyes slightly blurry (anyone want to lend me their car? heh), but ok I suppose. It is way past time to leave for the airport.

I wish this were ending on a more happy emotional note, not just sillyness about readers, seeing especially as I never really intended it to be such. I think I'm feeling. ok. ^^ A little hesitant. maybe a little reluctant to 'go back' and face whatever it is I need to do next (lots of annoying little things. Dont we all?) but maybe ok. I need to take a few deep breaths. (Listen to Biofeedback cd! Want to do it with me?) close my eyes. hug my ugly doll. (and the little sheep) aaaand I'm ok.

ok. so pack up computer. put in bag. grab food (lunch came early!) and head on my way.

goodbye for now.