Day 1

Well.... so it's back to the migraine clinic with me.

Resurrection Healthcare st. Joseph's Hospital. Inp

And the process begins all over again. To tell the truth I am kind of relieved. And yet, at the same time, sad. like sad that all this happened again. to the point of such low functioning. self pity? maybe.

One one hand I almost yearned and wanted the nice, safe, warm arms of the clinic to embrace me again, hold me close, fix everything, and help me figure out how to live again. And at the same time. ... tears start to well up and I want to cry and cry and cry and understand how it is that I seem to have lost two years of my life to a meaningless and totally unnecessary and NOT-inevitable (is that a word?) illness. that threw my life into a roller coaster, affecting every layer of my physical and psychological being(yuck, that sounds like im trying too hard for pretty phrases.). but it just seems dumb. I just went to vietnam for a jaunt. didn't have to go. and this is what happens. .... I suppose lamenting it over and over doesn't realy change the fact that I did and it did happen. So let this be my last lament. And it is now in the past. done. gamarnu. nothing to be done about it. just mukeru, turn to the future. of getting better. and I will be! I WILL be. and I WILL get a new recording done. and I WILL send it off to more agency's people and I WILL go to JAPAN. and MAKE an AUDITIOn

And about singing:

I realize that learning how to sing again and being able to sing again is part of the process I need to take to be healthy again. whether or not I have a singing career. The fact of 'being able to sing' is part of me, my entirety, being physically and emotionally healthy.

But so here we start again.

IV tube in. Blood taken. Anti-nauseau shot in the butt. and pretty soon the 3 days of intense, woozyness inducing, neaseauting migraine drugs of Dhe begin.

I will conquer it. and I WILL come out stronger for it.

WILL (sing that song like you mean it!)

I'm glad that somehow in the resolution of writing this it leans towards the positive now. (In my mind (earlier), it all was the sadness and negtivity)

til our next installment